drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 0:57:19 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 27, 2007 0:57:19 GMT -5
HISTORY Alex is a just a regular trainer trying to be the best trainer like his brother Ralph.When he was 5 he used to be afraid of a gastly that was teasing him but his brother showed him that pokemon are not scary when you get to know them.Now Alex loves pokemon more than about anyone you know.You couldn't tell by looking at him that he was ever afraid of pokemon.One day when Ralph gave him a pokedex and a geodude broke it with tackle he decided to make it up to his brother by being the best trainer ever. CLOTHES just a couple of clothes like brown shirt and black pants PERSONALITY Wants to see all the things about all the things in the world.He is also a lot of fun if you get to know him. LIKES fire types and pokemon that are not green DISLIKES pokemon that are completey green GOAL To be better than Ralph
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Flareon
Magma Leader
Blowback Dragon
Posts: 1,010
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 7:31:52 GMT -5
Post by Flareon on Jun 27, 2007 7:31:52 GMT -5
Slightly confusing to read. Maybe fix your grammar?
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drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 12:39:38 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 27, 2007 12:39:38 GMT -5
Sorry about that I'll start on it right now.
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Damien
Lab Professor
Posts: 222
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 14:04:16 GMT -5
Post by Damien on Jun 27, 2007 14:04:16 GMT -5
I don't get it...why would kids make fun of him for being rich? And a rich GIRL wouldn't kill her parents because her Pokemon learned a new move...Since police would know what attack killed him, and which person was home...Especially because the parents could buy the girl anything she wants. Plus, a new paragraph has to be started for all the dialouge, and you need puntuation...
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drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 20:43:51 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 27, 2007 20:43:51 GMT -5
ok .. anyway in order I had to give him a reason for going home it wasnt a new move she killed her parents with she did it so she could get the money both were home dont really know what dialouge is and Im not really good at puntuation
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Flareon
Magma Leader
Blowback Dragon
Posts: 1,010
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 20:49:48 GMT -5
Post by Flareon on Jun 27, 2007 20:49:48 GMT -5
I can tell. Listen, you seem to be a nice guy and all...but, really, roleplaying requires excellent english skills. I can't let you stay unless you can prove that you can speak properly...
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Damien
Lab Professor
Posts: 222
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Alex
Jun 27, 2007 21:38:24 GMT -5
Post by Damien on Jun 27, 2007 21:38:24 GMT -5
Yeah...besides, you can think up a better reason for that...And, plus, the sister had it fine, she was getting the same money on items as she would for killing them.
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drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 28, 2007 7:27:13 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 28, 2007 7:27:13 GMT -5
Ok I completely changed it is it better now?
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Damien
Lab Professor
Posts: 222
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Alex
Jun 28, 2007 13:47:38 GMT -5
Post by Damien on Jun 28, 2007 13:47:38 GMT -5
No...History needs to be longer...A LOT longer. Sorry, but, you know, history can't be one sentence. Say why he wants to be a trainer, was it Ralph who had inspired him? Did he just like Pokemon?
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drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 28, 2007 18:15:37 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 28, 2007 18:15:37 GMT -5
Sorry about it I'll make it longer right now.
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drake
New Member
Posts: 12
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Alex
Jun 28, 2007 18:27:44 GMT -5
Post by drake on Jun 28, 2007 18:27:44 GMT -5
Ok is it good now?
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Flareon
Magma Leader
Blowback Dragon
Posts: 1,010
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Alex
Jun 28, 2007 18:31:07 GMT -5
Post by Flareon on Jun 28, 2007 18:31:07 GMT -5
Yeah, its acceptable.
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